Gospel-centered Obedience: Introduction

It seems as if the perennial battle in the mind of New Testament readers and teachers is the relationship between faith and works. People align themselves with Paul or James or Jesus (depending on how they understand Jesus), and the whole thing tends to get quite messy at times. In my personal quest to understand these two aspects to Christian belief, I came up with a chart (dum, dum, dum - *ominous music) that has been helpful... to me. Obviously, if God wanted us to reduce spiritual, yay, even mystical, truth to mere charts, He could have inspired the biblical writers to draw a few stick figures and graphs. The illustration below is not an attempt to oversimplify deep passages that are more interested in forming us into the image Christ than being formed into theological systems; but hopefully it will be helpful to you as you think about and live out faith in Christ.

Sinful, God-honoring Children

Note: I know that I've only been a parent for six years, and therefore I've never parented a teenager. So, I want to be honest up front in admitting that I’m not claiming to be an expert. These are mere observations based on my own parenting and my work with teenagers over the years.


Sometimes the worst thing we can do as parents is build our child’s self-esteem. Then, when they hear the truths of the gospel, they do not see their desperate need for a Savior. They think their pretty smart or cute or likeable or athletic or… good. The Bible teaches clearly against the self-righteousness that hinders us from seeing our brokenness and rebellion. Quoting Psalm 14, Paul reminds us in Romans 3:10-11 that, “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one” (ESV).

The challenge then is to balance the affirmation of the fallen nature of a child’s heart with the truths that they are valuable as image-bearers and loved by God in and through Jesus.

I am convinced that no one can fully experience the grace of God without first being humbled… without first being broken by both the sinful nature that resides in them and the intentionally rebellious acts that spring out of this sinful heart. We have to see the bad before we can understand just how good the Good News is. And this is where so many parents can initially short-circuit their child’s understanding (and even acceptance) of the gospel. When a child is headed down the path to brokenness (and, in turn, repentance), we see this; and we don’t want them to feel pain. No good parent would want a child to feel pain. And so it takes a keenly discerning spirit to know how to teach them about their need for a Savior while at the same time pointing to the reality that they have One. We just want to fix what’s broken; but if the child does not see that they are broken, they cannot be fixed. This task of discernment is far too great for mere human beings. It takes the work of the Spirit inside of us… giving us the words… showing us how… which brings even the parent back around to dependence upon God.

The other side to this discussion was captured well in a statement a friend of mine made recently: “Yeah, Andy, but I don’t want my kids growing up afraid to be righteous or do righteous things.” In other words, does a biblical doctrine of depravity force us into passivity (“Oh Johnny, do whatever you want! You’re lost and dead in your sins anyway!”) or, even worse, an attitude that encourages sin. I can’t imagine a parent of any child ever taking either one of these positions. Paul would say, “Are we to continue to sin that grace may abound? By no means!” (Rom. 6:1-2).

As we’re searching for this balance, it is helpful to understand what the Bible means by righteousness. One can’t argue from the whole account of Scripture that there has ever been a man (except for Jesus) who was righteous enough to save themselves. In comparison to a holy God our “righteous deeds are like a polluted garment” (Is. 64:6). I would never argue anything to the contrary. But it is also an overcorrection and a misunderstanding of Scripture to say that no one has ever pleased God because of their obedience or righteous deeds done through faith. Works are the fruit of faith, and we do not need to be afraid of encouraging our children to be obedient to God’s commands through faith. We understand that such obedience can never save their eternal souls, but this was never the purpose of God’s commands anyway. Rather, we use each time they disobey as an opportunity to teach them about the righteousness of Christ on their behalf and the grace and forgiveness of God in the gospel. Then we encourage them to continue in righteousness.

While our righteous deeds have no power to save us eternally, God has created the world to work a certain way in which righteous actions usually result in positive outcomes. I know a lot of folks will push back against this, but the overwhelming testimony of Scripture stands with a “character-consequence” order of things (Bartholomew 9). In other words, obedience brings blessing. Granted, blessing may, at times, look a little different now than it did in the OT, but the principle still stands. A great way of expressing this to your child may be: “God has promised blessing for obedience and consequences for disobedience. That is why dad will honor you when you are obedient and punish you when you are disobedient. God and dad are pleased when you are obedient. But, son, we understand that our obedience is not what gets us into heaven. Faith in Jesus does that, and each time you disobey, I hope that you see just how much you need him to change your heart and your actions. Isn’t it great to know that Jesus was always obedient to His Father so that when we’re not obedient, we’re not punished forever?” That’s probably getting a little theologically deep for my 6-year old, but hopefully the concept is clear.  

Another essential element to consider in this discussion is the concept of grace. While there are usually consequences when one of my children sins… there is always forgiveness. Sometimes consequences are passed over in favor of grace; but, we have to be incredibly intentional about how we communicate this to our children. When I decide to not impose consequences, it is not because they are not deserved… but because I am being gracious. I pray that this is a small picture of what God has done for us. Developing this further, God has not ignored our sin but rather placed its eternal (and even some temporal) consequences on His Son. This is undoubtedly difficult for one human being to model properly for another. I want to reiterate the fact that even when sin is committed and consequences are enforced, forgiveness and reconciliation are indispensable. This is another way for us to model God’s grace for our children.

I’ll finish up here with a story from the other day. Most of you know my son. He’s a sweet kid, but he does have a bit of a strong will at times. I try to pray with him each morning before I leave for work, and on this particular day he wanted nothing to do with prayer time. He said he didn’t really like God anymore, and he certainly didn’t like prayer. My initial instinct was to say, “Well, we’re praying anyway, whether you like it or not,” and, most of the time, this is still what I do. But in that moment I felt as if the Holy Spirit pricked my heart to offer grace. I told Ethan that I loved him and, more importantly, God loved him, even though he didn’t like or love God much today… even if he didn’t want to talk to God today. I held him for a few more seconds and then put him down and headed out the door.

I do not want to set myself up as any kind of ideal example; but just as a testimony to the work of the Spirit and the freedom we have received in Christ, I felt at complete liberty to leave that morning having not prayed with Ethan for the purpose of him understanding that his prayer (or lack thereof) does not change God’s love for him. That is unconditional. I feel as if God gave me a great opportunity to point out both Ethan’s depravity and God’s great love and grace. I’m thankful for moments like this. I’m thankful for the moments I feel like I get it right, moments that I can imagine God smiling. But I’m even more thankful that Jesus always got it right (on my behalf) so that even when I don’t get right, His grace is still sufficient.

I hope that this little discussion has been helpful for you. If I could sum things up for you in one sentence: “Don’t be afraid to allow your kids to see their sinful hearts; and don’t be afraid to encourage them to live God-honoring lives.” They need both… we all need both.

In Christ,

Andy